Funny Friday -- Toddler Diet

I'm not sure where I found this originally, but it's been on my computer for eons.

Miracle "Toddler Diet"                        

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland problem? Or is there a slim (groan) hope?

Well, now there's the new Miracle "Toddler Diet"!

Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a cup of black coffee and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor...otherwise you might have to see him afterward. Good luck!

DAY ONE

Breakfast
One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch
Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner
A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of stale root beer.

Bedtime Snack
Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO

Breakfast
Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch
Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack
Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner
A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE

Breakfast
Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk: drink half, stuff pancakes in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch
Three matches, peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner
Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some cooking wine, coffee.


FINAL DAY

Breakfast
A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of corn flakes, add a half-cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch
Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner
A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Throwback Random Thursday

I really enjoy seeing old photos. Everyone's going to be bummed when all these hard drives and storage methods fail. Myself included. I haven't printed a photo in years. Here's an oldie of me that appeared in our local newspaper. My friend of 44 years, Doug, posted this on Faceplace. I'm the bearded lady on the left. That was my real hair. Only the beard is a prop. I'm kidding. But I did get a perm in the 80s that looked a little like that. My first grade class performed a circus for the school. I was also the horse tamer.

Frico grilled cheese sandwiches. How have I never fried cheese on purpose? Everyone knows it's the best part.

50% off coupon for Jo-Ann compliments of the Quilted Cupcake. Valid until Halloween. Are you like me? Get to Jo-Anns with a purse full of carefully collected and clipped coupons only to find out everything you want or need is already on sale and you can't use a coupon. Probably just me.

Yesterday was my 700th blog post! I didn't realize it until today. To celebrate, I'm giving away this calendar I thought I had to have. It's a Modern Quilts Datekeeper and has gorgeous photography of modern quilts. Unfortunately, I need a real calendar with the days of the week indicated. I would be mega confused using this as my regular calendar. This type of datekeeper works great as a perpetual calendar to record birthdays, anniversaries, birth years, etc. I have one I've used for years for that purpose. Leave a comment if you're interested. I'll ship anywhere.

Ha!

Fun Day

I was a Breaking Bad fan from the very beginning. When my kids were younger we enjoyed watching Malcolm in the Middle which starred Bryan Cranston, the star of Breaking Bad. To see the comedic actor as a high school chemistry teacher driven to meth cooker to keep his family out of financial ruin is probably the wildest story I could ever imagine. And boy, it got pretty dark toward the end. Well, darker. It started out dark. I'm sad to see it end, but what a ride. I especially loved stumbling upon these creative takes "If Breaking Bad took place entirely on facebook." Don't click if you haven't seen the finale, but the comic relief does kind of soothe the psyche.

We had our monthly guild meeting today. Our challenge was to make a name tag to wear at guild functions. Our group is growing monthly, so it's nice to have a reminder of everyone's name. One gal uses her name tag to tie on her sewing machine bag when she goes to retreats so she can tell which machine is hers. Good idea!

Our October quilt block lotto is always popular. Quilter's choice in a Halloween theme. There is no limit to the creativity. It's fun seeing all the Halloween prints.

One more block for our Boggy Creek Camp charity quilt. We gained another team member today and the other three teams seem to be making great progress as well. I can't wait to see the finished quilts.

Stitch and Flip is ready to quilt. I had to mop my kitchen floor to baste it, so it must be the largest quilt I've ever attempted to quilt. Eek! I spray basted and pinned and it's sitting ready for me to quilt. Deep breaths. I can do it. Now to get some work done so I have more time to play tomorrow. Wheeee!

Blahblahtoberfest (aka Blogtoberfest)

Warning, warning, it's Blogtoberfest. Also known as Blahblahtoberfest. Blogtoberfest is an annual blogging festival that encourages you to blog every day in October. It's an opportunity to meet other creative bloggers and share what you're doing. I guarantee you'll meet some kindred spirits and laugh daily.

This is my sixth(!) year of participating and if anything, stick around to see how "creatve" my posts get by the end of the month. I apologize in advance. I do find it a unique challenge and love seeing how others enjoy the process of sharing. Plus, you'll see tons of inspiration, free patterns and projects, and a few giveaways too.

Stolen from the Internets

Awww, piglets are so cute. We've been on a pork kick. Bacon, ham, Italian sausage, pork chops, oh my. I stuffed our homegrown jalapeno peppers with feta cheese and wrapped them with bacon. Only 200 more jalapenos to deal with. The guys had Italian sausage and pepper sandwiches Monday night and I'm making rosemary pork chops tonight.

The ham I cooked was awful. Dry and not a lot of flavor. Luckily the Inspector likes ham salad. If you have a good recipe for ham salad, please share. I made these sweet potato biscuits to go along with the ham. They were excellent. We were joking that the pig that supplied that ham must have been into aerobics and only ate parsley. The ham produced no drippings, so it ruined my butter beans too. I may need Ham 101 lessons.

Spotted this adorable Eiffel Tower paper piecing pattern yesterday. Just the project I needed to start my week. The tower is part of a quilt along {Big City Girl QAL}, but I didn't have time yesterday to figure what it was all about. I may have to go back and check out the other contributions. This is why I love blogs! I learned to sew online and thank each and every person who inspired and continues to inspire me. Let's get this Tuesday going.

Linking to Made by you Monday and During Quiet Time.

See Ya September

This is me after last week. Real work was busy with rush jobs and deadlines. My stress level was up there some days. No selfish sewing time for me. I had dreams about work. By Saturday morning I was planted on the couch trying to decompress by watching inappropriate television I'd recorded during heck week.

I did get away to go to the produce market, but that was a necessity. I paid an arm and a leg for these cherry tomatoes, but they looked and smelled the best. Do you smell produce? I get some looks sometimes. The summer tomatoes are fading fast.

I roasted the tomatoes with garlic and basil and tossed them with some ravioli. Everything flat bread and salad made a quickie meal. The flat bread dough was just my artisan dough that keeps in the fridge. I rolled it out and topped it with everything I had in my kitchen.

I did get a chance to sew Saturday. My stitch and flip top is finished. I had to add two more rows to love it. Without the two extra rows, it needed something. I tried solid white borders with a few stitch and flip blocks sewn it, but it looked awful. Unsewing happened. Seam ripping white thread on a white background is challenging for 50-year-old eyes. I'm going to start using contrasting thread on iffy sewing choices.

I had enough extra blocks for one row, so I sewed that on. Then I made more blocks and added one more row and the size looked more cohesive. Yay! It finished at 48" x 55". I found a large hunk of navy blue fabric, so I stitched that together for the backing. I think I will quilt this one myself.

I loved this Thai Butternut Squash soup. I've been eating it for days. Yummy. I went on a butternut squash kick a few years ago. I can't get enough of this squash. Especially as soup. You can probably tell how much I like it by my Pinterest soup board. I want to make every one of those soups this Fall and Winter. Soups are my favorite thing to cook.

Selfish Sewing Week

Not only is September National Sewing Month, this week happens to be Selfish Sewing Week. You're supposed to take time and sew a little for yourself each day. And apparently have a martini. Ha! There are graphics for coffee, beer, and wine too. I do love a challenge I can wrap my head around.

I made myself a hearty breakfast and got to real job early. I am totally obsessed with these Greek omelets. Fresh spinach and oregano with feta cheese. Amazingly, I can grow basil and oregano. I'm rich with those herbs. I burnt the bread, but it was Monday, you have to expect that. I hurried through real work searching for apple-shaped corn hole bags for a Zombie Crawl in Miami. True story. I couldn't make this stuff up. I wasn't able to find any and don't know anyone who sews, so I offered my client another suggestion and moved on.

Waiting on approval for other Zombie-related stuff, and a final logo design, I gathered some fabrics to make a block for our charity quilt. We're making quilts for the bunks in Camp Boggy Creek's cabins. Ten-and-a-half inch blocks with a slice and insert a stick theme.

I'm not sure what these blocks are called, but I'm calling them Pick Up Sticks blocks. Woodstock was happy to appear. He has his camping helmet on. I hope I'm doing these right. Whatever, they're fun.

I thought about vacuuming, but it was starting to rain. What? You vacuum in the rain? Just one more block and I'll go make a Key Lime pie. My cheap limes aren't going to last forever. I've already killed two nectarines this week.

Last block for the day. This one was my favorite. Bugs and marbles. Back to the trenches tomorrow. I really hope it rains again.

Selfish sewing week, day one. Nailed it. Key Lime Pie for dinner.

Sunday Stash #76

The lovely Christina from our quilt guild travels around in her RV throughout the year. She sent me beautiful fabric from Maine to match my crab plates. I'm going to make napkins and be all fancy for my next crab fest.

Look at all these goodies I picked up at Sew Day. Linda, another guild member has been bringing in her neighbor's donated stash. We all had fun picking fabrics to take home.

We had a class at Saturday's Sew Day. Julie from La Todera spent the day with us and we all made her Razzleberry Pincushion. I used a charm pack of Mod Century by Jenn Ski. Julie gave us the fancy pins to match our pincushions. So stylish!

Julie also designs fabrics. Her newest collection features closeups of everyday items. The color palette is so gorgeous. I came home with a fat quarter and a charm pack. Another Razzleberry pincushion may be in the works!

The bow tie quilt is finished. I love the polka dot backing I found.

After a long day of sewing, I made a phone call to get dinner on the table. Spinach, artichoke and ricotta pizza for me. Sausage, pepperoni and mushroom for the Inspector. I made chicken nachos for Hollywood who came in after we ate. She pooh-poohed our pizza topping choices. College Boy has been putting in late hours at one of our theme parks. He gets home at about the time we wake-up. No telling what he's been eating. Probably macaroni and cheese in a sourdough bread bowl from Panera.